ITT: Sausage
by That's SQUALL
Summary: There are two rules: 1. The answer to every question is "Sausage" and 2. You laugh, you lose. CRACK AHOY!


**A/N:** Holy shit, this is from March '09. I kind of forgot about it until now. u-u

But yeah. When this was written, I had an Anatomy class, and my friends and I would play sausage while dissecting our cats. All of Squall & Cloud's lines are ones I have used sucessfully. Squall's winning line has ended games in my favor more than once. If you've never played sausage, you're missing out.

* * *

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"Hey. Hey, Squall, Cloud!" Zidane called, scampering towards the swordsmen with Tidus trailing behind him.

The two men glanced over in unison, and the brunet asked, "What, Zidane?"

Zidane grinned innocently, charmingly, the way he did when he wasn't going to take no for an answer. "Do you guys want to play Sausage with us?"

"...Excuse me?" Cloud asked, arching an eyebrow.

"Me 'n Tidus are playing Sausage, but it's no fun when you've only got two people. Do you guys want in?" Zidane asked, beaming at Squall and Cloud, who blinked. There was a long silence, during which he continued smiling hopefully, and the other two stared at him with metaphorical ellipses above their heads.

Finally, Squall asked bluntly, "What the hell is Sausage?"

Zidane spun around gleefully and gestured widely. "Tidus, explain."

The other boy cleared his throat and propped his fists on his hips. "There are two rules," he began earnestly. "One: the answer to every question is 'sausage.' Two: you laugh, you lose."

Cloud and Squall glanced at each other. Rule two wouldn't pose any problems for either of them. Nevertheless...

At length, the gunblader asked, "What's the point?"

Tidus faltered a little. "There... isn't one?"

Zidane flailed his arms to draw their attention back to him. "But it's really fun! I promise! Pleaaaase?"

The two older men shared a defeated look, and Cloud replied flatly, "...Sausage?"

Zidane gave a whoop of glee. "Hah! There, Tidus! I told you we'd win 'em over!"

Tidus shrugged and grinned, before turning to Squall. "So, Squall, what's the best thing about Zidane?"

"...Sausage."

Zidane snorted and was promptly shoved aside, turning their already-meager circle into a small triangle. As he pouted that he had most certainly _not_ laughed, Squall asked boredly, "What's that in your pants?"

Cloud deadpanned. "Sausage. Tidus, what does Squall's face look like?"

"S-sausage," Tidus replied, barely witholding a snicker. "What do you enjoy putting in your mouth?"

The two shared a look again, as Squall replied, "Sausage. Cloud, what did you lose your virginity to?"

Zidane, howling with laughter, pulled a giggling Tidus out of the "circle" as Cloud admitted rather casually to doing unspeakable things with sausages. And then the two warriors were face to face, each equally determined to somehow make the other man submit.

"What makes you moan like a whore?" Cloud growled lowly.

"Sausage," Squall hissed between his teeth as their gazes grated together, their faces mere inches apart. "What do you love riding like a bitch?"

"Sausage. What do you want inside you, so badly it _hurts_?" Cloud ground out.

Squall gritted his teeth. "_Sausage_," he all but snarled, the tension palpable between them.

"This is getting a bit obscene," Tidus commented lightly, from where he stood, and Zidane nodded his emphatic agreement.

Squall glanced at t hem before leveling his gaze back on Cloud. Keeping his eyes fixed on the older man, he circled him slowly, dangerously contemplative. Then, stalking up behind the blond swordsman, he put his lips to the other's ear. "Cloud..." he breathed. "What do you like to sensually run your mouth all over while moaning like a whore?"

There was no response for a second. And then two.

Then, suddenly, Cloud was grinning incredulously, his body shaking with silent laughter. "You're awful," he managed, shaking his head in amusement. "I can't believe you--"

Tidus and Zidane were on them before he could finish that thought.

"How the hell did you get Cloud to _laugh_?"

"Squall, what did you _say_ to him?"

Squall turned to them, perfectly serious, and replied, "Sausage." Ignoring their protests, he shouldered his gunblade and walked away, Cloud following behind him.


End file.
